I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
