its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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