You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Still dying that you shit outside
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
