isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
