does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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