Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
