I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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