Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
