Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
operation have a gay friend backfired
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
