The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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