Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
