i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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