so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
