I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
