Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
