Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
