Hey man sorry I got all grabby
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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