I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
