I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
