Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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