I'm jealous of your bromance
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
