The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's the barista slut.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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