I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
