the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
