Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
