oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
