If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
