oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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