I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
