i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were trust falling into bushes
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