How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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