By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
