connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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