I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
