As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
