PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
