Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
