It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
