Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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