I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Damn victory sex feels great
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
