it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
