just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
