this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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