He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
