She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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