just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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