So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
