I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
