I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
and you fell through a lawn chair
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