It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
