And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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