how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did i just pee glitter
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
