We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
