just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize