Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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