You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
