Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
