just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
