Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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