Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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