Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
3 2 1 whiskey
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
