This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So squirting runs in the family.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
