Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
