They should really pass out barf bags in church
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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