Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
