happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
