You're my little dorito
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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