i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
