I wish I only lived at night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize