My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize