Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
