I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dicks are not precious.
Damn victory sex feels great
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
