The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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