Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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