Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
