stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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