If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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