Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
