You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
