what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
