My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
