Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize