i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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