nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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