I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize