Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
