the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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