I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
