the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
