That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
