And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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