Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
