THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
