she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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