I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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