Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
