Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
