What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
