so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There r osticjed everywhere
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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