1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
