Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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