she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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