Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
