Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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