The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
