I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
