Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
