so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
