He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
